Homelessness is hard enough, but now that food assistance cut, the only way out is dead.
Keywords: starvation, starving, death, dead, hell, misery, homeless, food
Date Created/Edited: September 26, 2016
Left homeless because my ex-husband chose not to meet his financial responsibilities to me after separation, I've been homeless since June 17, 2011. I went to Florida from Pennsylvania after foreclosure on my house to do a large web site, expecting to be able to buy a cheap car and return to Pennsylvania where my sons live. I grew up in foster care and have no family to turn to for help. The friends I had when I had money turned their backs on me - obviously not friends.
I finished the site, bought a cheap car expecting to be able to make enough money to fix it up so it could make the trip back to Pennsylvania. However, without a Florida address no one would hire me for work. I lived in the car until April of 2013 when I did not have enough money to pay registration or insurance. I've been on the streets ever since.
Prior to losing the car, I applied for numerous jobs, and even made sure to be available when a reporter was interviewing homeless during a Christmas event at a local park. While a few people came looking to offer me a job, when they realized I did not have a local address on my identification, they could not hire me due to paperwork issues.
I chose to start this web site in March of 2012, not expecting to make much money, but figured that working for the benefit of others would provide enough financial support to fix the car, get local ID, get a job and move forward out of this hell. It gave me something to do that was important for everyone around the world rather than sit around doing nothing while looking for other opportunities to make money to get out of homelessness. However, I was sadly mistaken.
I applied for and received food assistance for a few years. None of the opportunities I've happened across worked out for one reason or another. I could be working at a day labor place, but have no transportation. I could get a regular job, but living on the streets with no place to bathe, no place to sleep safely and no money to even do filthy, stinking laundry kind of knocks me out of any chance at getting a regular job.
So, I kept going on this very important work. I created the site, did all the research and created the social media marketing strategy to reach Johnson & Johnson shareholders, the only ones with a vested interest in ending harm to people with their products. Trying to make Johnson & Johnson investors aware of the fact that the people being harmed by Johnson & Johnson and subsidiary products are also bank customers who owe banks money for mortgages and loans as well as savers saving for retirement who, after disabled or dead by Johnson & Johnson and subsidiary products can no longer pay on debt and have no money to save toward the future.
I do not qualify for housing, which would be required to get out of homeless hell long enough to get a job and back on my feet. I do not meet any of the requirements such as drug/alcohol abuse, children with me, mentally ill, abusive partner, etc. There is no checkbox for "Screwed over by ex grew up in foster care so no where to live." I've worked all my life - the ONLY reason I'm in this situation is because my ex kept everything, and left me in the streets to die. I have no idea what he has told my youngest son, who is now 14, my ex cut me off from any communication with him almost six years ago by changing all phone numbers and threatening me with police if I tried to see him. Without the money for a place to live, transportation and a lawyer, there is nothing I can do about my ex keeping my son from knowning how much I love him.
I had been receiving food assistance, but requirements for food assistance have changed. My food assistance has been cut off because I cannot walk 30 miles for job training and community service. I would have to be capable of walking 30 round trip to job training - which, at almost 50 years old, without even a bicycle, I am NOT capable of doing. I know how to get a job, go to interview clean, neat and well-rested. Totally impossible when living on the streets of homeless hell. As you can see from my work history, I did work, do know how to work, and this site is an example that I WANT to work...
Graduated in 1985....
1985 Curtain Construction, Flower Shop, Greenhouse AND nursing home. Started working THREE jobs to help provide food, shelter and phone for two older brothers (when the money ran out, they suddenly had no use for me).
1986 Taylor Publishing Company, Paoli Florist AND cleaning company (went to Centennial for almost double wages)
1991 - 1996 Centennial Printing, Paoli Florist AND cleaning company (Centennial closed due to owner stealing from 401K program. (was making $55,000 a year and had $50,000 saved, bought a house, paid for the wedding, paid to start ex's business, paid rent until house purchase, paid utilities, paid everything for poor, dear ex. Ex pissed away all the money, left me with nothing)
1996 - 2000 Daily Local Newspaper in West Chester Pre-Press Platemaker
1999 - 2005 UPS Revenue Recovery Manager (left ex-husband, moved to mountains)
2005 - 2011 Google and Yahoo - Google changed requirements to include a degree. Wrote close to 1,000 pieces of content for Google site E-How
(Link to my area on E-How http://www.ehow.com/contributor/emily_patterson/
Cannot load content from Yahoo Voices because the service was shut down in September of 2013)
2009 - 2011 Times Leader in Wilkes-Barre Mail Room Supervisor AND Sunday delivery filling newspaper vending machines and stores
2010 found out ex was not paying on van when repo guys showed up at the door to take the van. I had almost perfect credit when I bought my house. Figured it would be no problem to get a $20,000 loan to cover car and some other things that ex was supposed to pay off as per our separation agreement. Found out at that point that he had destroyed my credit by forging my name to take out two credit cards totally $9,000 - he got all the things for HIS house (the second house *I* put downpayment on added to revenue from first house which *I* put downpayment on with MY money) He got a new bathroom, built-in cabinets in the living room, truck, etc. I used two months' mortgage money trying to save the van so I could keep my jobS.
LEFT FOR DEAD BY EVERYONE.
2011 was offered huge web site to do in Florida. Did that, bought a car, kept trying to find work. With no ID, no address, was NOT POSSIBLE. Cannot rent a PO box for an address anymore without proof of actual physical address. No, uh, cannot LIE - have to have documentation such as license, rental receipt, utilities, mortgage statement.
Now, just LITERALLY STARVING TO DEATH, dying on the streets. My feet are raw from walking 15 miles for food a few times a week. Can't do it again today. I guess I'm down to no choice but to sit here until dead. I can't walk the 30 miles a day to job training (obviously, I know how to get a job - it requires one to be rested, clean and focused not filthy, exhausted and starving) to qualify for getting my food stamps reinstated (http://www.johnsonandtoxin.com/2016_food_stamp_cut_off.pdf). I'm dead soon, people.
No, churches won't help me: I do not meet any of the requirements. Quite literally told, "We're sorry we can't help you. You slip through all the cracks."
So what's it like to starve to death? I'll keep updating this as I can until I'm too far gone to type...
The first couple days you shake from low blood sugar, mind fog, nightmares.
After that, since I smell food cooking at local restaurants, digestive juices start destroying stomach lining causing dry heaves of bloody bile.
You beg, cry, knowing you're dying and no one cares. I grew up in foster care, I have NO ONE to help me. I sit here in my filth, rotting, starving, knowing the rats that crawl on me when I sleep in the dirt will have a great meal when I'm finally dead.
I'm at the begging for help to live part. Dry heaves of bloody bile still coming on when I can smell food cooking at restaurants.
Tried again to get food assistance reinstated, was told again that it does not matter that it's been four days since I've had food, I cannot receive food assistance unless I can walk 30 miles for job training and community service - I do NOT have any transportation and cannot afford any transportation. I cannot be reinstated.
There's not much more I can do if I'm dead from starvation. Currently, pretty much only able to sit and cry as I slowly starve to death alone in a ditch. Might as well start digging my own grave, eh?
Although homeless and living in a car when I started this project, I still had hope of getting back on my feet and a livable life. Too bad I was totally wrong...
Chronic filth caused sores to start on my face...
I quite literally sleep in the dirt. Usually wake up and have to scrape bugs off sores...
My feet are raw (usually bleeding) from trying to walk 15 miles a day to food pantry for homeless and back to safe sleeping area...
I have abscesses on my breasts from wearing a moldy bra - the ONLY one I own...
All I can say at this point is thank you all for letting me starve to death because this is no way for a human being to have to live. Especially a human being who spent four and a half years fighting for health and safety of healthcare products for every single person around the world. And ya'll wonder how the corrupt get away with harming millions? Uh, gee, maybe because you let people who are fighting for YOU starve to death?
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